I spoke about my past as a white skinhead and my gift as a person dedicated to public peace since January 2010. And the question that most often is: What brought you? To change?
The experiences that have contributed to the exhaustion that finally looking for an excuse to leave “movement”, as we call our loose coalition groups hate, can be distilled in a series of moments.
The taste of violence cultivated since the beginning of the school bus for the first year had much to do with me engaging in white supremacy; The violence I knew if I could convince myself that it was justified.
At the beginning of the frenzy of dominating another person and the consequent consternation of parents and teachers, there was much justification. Slowly, as I grew older, I found that the emotion was tremendously enormous when it occurred in the context of a story “we” versus “them”.
First, the children are treated against teachers, then regardless of the list I have made against any gang, then the punks against the company, and the “white race” I had chosen for m ‘ Identify everyone on earth.
Throughout my punctual days and early in my skinhead phase, fights were attacked by the way I chose to look. Overcoming these attackers within an inch of their lives felt great.
But instead of imagining what would be attacked by my skin color, instead of my dress and hair, I bought in the construction of the race and whole-heartedly tried to justify my own attacks against innocent people according The illusion of the separation that has empowered.
Even in the early months of my hate group, there were times when I was ashamed of having committed violence against people who had done nothing to me. I knew what I was doing was wrong. Every moment I laughed in a desperate lie about the separation of other human beings, it hurt me. And it made me want to hurt others more, instead of gathering the courage to wonder why this happened.
Identification with any fundamentalist ideology, be it religious, political or racial, is an exhausting process. Change is the only constant that we can be sure of. Apart from that, the world is not a fundamental place.
Therefore, all the information I collect daily, such as the white suprmatise, had to be rotated to fit the braid lens I chose to see the world through or rejected completely. Seizing culture like the Green Bay Packers, Seinfeld and favorite films like Bladerunner and This is Spinal Tap was contaminated with my racist and anti-Semitic beliefs. Many moments have passed in a painful awareness of my hypocrisy.
But the most powerful moments that fueled the growing sense of exhaustion that brought hatred were those rooted in love. After my stays seven years in hate groups, I was rewarded with kindness and forgiveness by people who were openly hostile because of who they were.
Refusing to let my inhuman reduce them, people as a Jewish boss, a supervisor and Black lesbians and their Latino colleagues have modeled what it means to be a human, when I deserved it at least, but I did not need a lesson like that.
Unfortunately, none of these teaching moments changed me in the act, and they rarely did. But every moment of our life plants a seed. When seeds are rooted in human love, they become impossible to suppress, not that I have not tried the hardest to do so.
But no matter how much I drank, what was the power of white power music, how many other dissatisfied white children with whom I managed to surround myself, or how much blood I spilled, sublime power of human kinship prevailed, which leads me To a world consumed by hatred and violence to a person firmly placed in the basic goodness of human existence.